Prime Minister David Cameron will soon succeed in reviving the 404 Error as his attempts to convince UK service providers to restrict access to porn sites becomes a reality.
Dynamite Dave thinks that the free flowing smut of the web is "corroding childhood", so he's trying to get the majority of ISPs to block porn to all customers unless they specifically choose to unblock it.
He said he that if service providers don't tow the line in terms of fuck tape availability then he would have to "force action" and change the law. He must really hate the idea of anyone wanking.
Both new and existing customers will have to opt out of the so called "family filter", a decision you'll have to make when your broadband provider rings you and to ask about it. If you decline to choose, they'll turn the filters on by default.
He wasn't finished either. Puritanical Anti-Masturbation Advocate Cameron also announced his plan to make search engines return no results for particularly offensive material and to instead show a warning with some helpline numbers. 0800 PAED-NO or something maybe. Plus he wants streaming videos to be subject to the same censorship that physical videos undergo...
So say goodbye to hardcore porn and hello to women who appear to be wearing bikinis made from black bars.
In his moralising scaremonger speech, Cameron said "I'm not making this speech because I want to moralise or scaremonger, but because I feel profoundly as a politician, and as a father, that the time for action has come." and then he apologised for saying "come" and then, because he said it a second time, he went red and was sick on himself.
What he really wants is to stamp out child porn, which is fair enough, but shooting through legal porn to get to it seems a bit extreme. The measures force perfectly normal wankers to admit, officially and on record, that they like looking at rude ladies. The only way make it worse would be if they had your Mum ask the question.
Experts suggest that ISPs will argue against the changes, as they "don't want to be seen to be censors".
Words by Gazz Wood
