Go make yourself a drink.
A strong one. You're going to need It. We are about to tear apart your worldly
perception and things will never be the same again. It turns out teenagers have
discovered masturbation, in what we can only assume is the first time ever.
A 17 year old male, who chose not to be named told us: “One minute you're
revising for your A levels. The next thing you know you've accidentally Google
searched 'big-titted bitches' and in a panic your trousers have fallen down. It
can happen to anyone”.
Parents have been
horrified by this news, leading to increased support for David Cameron's plans
to put an automatic ban on adult content online.
Julie from Westchester
said: “It's up to the government
to sort this out. I mean, we can't be expected to pay attention to what our
kids are doing. I gave all that up when I bought them an Xbox.”
On an unrelated note,
Childline are reportedly under investigation for asking children intimate and
revealing questions.
Words by Ben Gibson
