Some Teenage Boys Like Looking At Naked People, According to World's Most Obvious Survey

Go make yourself a drink. A strong one. You're going to need It. We are about to tear apart your worldly perception and things will never be the same again. It turns out teenagers have discovered masturbation, in what we can only assume is the first time ever.

According to the charity Childline, teenage boys on average watch porn two or three times a week, revealed a survey dubbed “totally not a waste of time or resources”. Even more worryingly three quarters of teens claim they found hardcore porn sites by accident.

A 17 year old male, who chose not to be named told us: “One minute you're revising for your A levels. The next thing you know you've accidentally Google searched 'big-titted bitches' and in a panic your trousers have fallen down. It can happen to anyone”.

Parents have been horrified by this news, leading to increased support for David Cameron's plans to put an automatic ban on adult content online.

Julie from Westchester said: “It's up to the government to sort this out. I mean, we can't be expected to pay attention to what our kids are doing. I gave all that up when I bought them an Xbox.”

On an unrelated note, Childline are reportedly under investigation for asking children intimate and revealing questions. 

Words by Ben Gibson