Turd Burger Anyone?

The Japanese are clearly more technologically advanced than the rest of us. Their toilets are smarter than our children and the only reason they don't all walk around in enormous metal Gundam suits is because it's not polite. But I have to think that this latest innovation might be taking things to a sort of limit.

Scientist Mitsuyuki Ikeda from the Okayama Laboratory has apparently always been bothered by waste of all kinds. He hates to see perfectly good materials discarded when they could just as easily be repurposed. Unfortunately he's not conducting a study into turning your old wine bottles into candle holders. He wants you to turn your old shit into food.

It seems that Tokyo is up to here with sewage mud made almost entirely of human poo (say that back to yourself. Human Poo. Imagine treading in one? Awful) and something must be done. Prof Ikeda took some samples and found them to be chocked full of protein. He combined the stuff with "reaction enhancer" and put it all in a machine known as an "exploder". Once exploded and enhanced, and mixed with Soya to bind the whole thing together, what was once disgusting bum mud is now a delicious artificial steak.

Taste tests, possibly conducted without the subject's knowledge in a Kebabland at 2am, have suggested that it even tastes like beef. It's good for you too, clocking in with 63% protein, 25% carbohydrates, 3% lipids and 9% minerals. Plus they've added some red food colouring so it looks more like uncooked mince than uncooked pats. 

The only problem is (apart from the fact that it's actual shit) is that the process currently costs "10 to 20" times more than sourcing proper meat that hasn't been eaten by anyone yet. First pressing, if you like.

Check out the video below for more information if you can possibly stomach it.

Click here on mobiles (or if you're on the loo making Big Macs)

Words by Gazz Wood

Gazz Wood is a writer from The Northern Film School at Leeds Met University. As well as writing for Wireless he can also be heard on the monthly podcast Possibly of Interest with TV Producer Howard Cohen and special guests from the world of British TV and Cinema, plus his own weekly show Gazz Wood Has A Podcast. He can also be followed on Twitter @GazzPH90