Killjoy Council to Remove Mystery Letterbox

The mysterious letterbox that appeared in the middle of a bridge on the River Thames is to be removed out of sheer pettiness, it was revealed yesterday.

Ward councillor Mike Haines has stated that the box will have to come down as it goes against planning regulation, after which we can only assume he pointed to a sheet of blank paper and wrote “NO HAVING FUN!” in red marker, before popping the balloon of a passing child.

He added: "It's been done very nicely, it is not graffiti. I can see the sense of fun of it but there is a concern as it is a listed structure”.

No. No you can't. Nobody who uses the phrase “there is concern as it is a listed structure” has ever seen the fun in anything.

Since the appearance of the mystery letterbox there has been widespread speculation to its origins, sparking rumours that a mischievous ghost placed it there.

Ok, ok, that is clearly bullshit. We're all old enough to know that it was done by some fun-loving prankster. At least I'm assuming that we are, if not I'm sorry about the swearing, everyone at school thinks your Ben 10 backpack looks terrific. 

Despite being a load of nonsense: I mean the rumour was started by Uri Geller, a man who professionally lies (Wireless magazine accepts that Uri Geller can indeed bend spoons) about being able to bend spoons with his mind, we still don't want it to go away. This charming little story is the stuff kid's imaginations are made of. It wont be long until they have to come join us in the crummy real world, so why rob them of something that can only make them feel like the world is magical?

Unless of course there is a ghost. In which case I'm looking forward to checking out Mr Haines' gaff in the next season of Most Haunted.

Words by Ben Gibson