Pissalyzer: Urinal Tells You If You're Over The Limit

A nightclub in Singapore with spectacularly dodgy name of Zouk's has installed a new system in the Gents that will test your urine and tell you if you're over the legal limit for driving. 

When you show up you have to hand over your keys, the incentive for doing so being a free parking card. Then you have your night out; drinking and singing and leaning on a confusing fruit machine, then when you break the seal and nip off for a whizz, the urinal will quickly have a check of your piss and let you know whether you've had a few too many... or not.

You might ignore that, hammered as you are it can be difficult to comprehend warning messages of all kinds, but the urinal doesn't just tell you how drunk you are. It also grasses you up to the man holding your keys, who will suggest you might want to call a taxi or use their car service instead of ploughing your Nissan into the median and flipping off down a ravine.

The amount of people involved in drink driving accidents in Singapore last year was 2141, which is bloody loads and can't all be wankered tourists having a weekend on the Tiger beer, so instituting this system is a grand idea. Some places in Michigan in the States did a somewhat similar thing with their Talking Urinal Cakes.

You wee on them, they swill it around and then have a go at you in a presumably tinny and waterlogged voice; "Hey you there! Yes you! Had a few too many? Then do yourself and everyone else a favour by calling a sober friend or a cab. Oh - and don't forget to wash your hands!" It's a bit wordy for a toilet dwelling piss disc, but then we are living in the future. 

Eventually everything you piss on or shit on or walk under or try to eat will be giving you patronising advice. The kebab will go on about the calories, the cigarettes will remind you that they killed your Uncle and the skinny jeans will tell you that you look a twat.

Words by Gazz Wood

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