Man Loses Penis on Night Out

All your drinking stories are now obsolete. A 64 year old man has taken getting shit faced to glorious new heights by waking up without a penis. Neighbours have since claimed that Geraldo Ramos's tackle was bitten off by a wandering dog as the man passed out in the Dominican Republic naked and mind-meltingly drunk.

The man woke up whilst being rushed to hospital and unsurprisingly has no recollection of the previous night.

He received emergency surgery and is now recovering at home with a catheter. Doctors have warned Mr Ramos to lay off the booze. He is said to have learned his lesson, which is a shame, because that sort of situation calls for several stiff drinks. Besides it's not like he can lose another penis.

Neither the dog nor the penis have yet been found. If you happen to come across a dog that you suspect might be considering having your man giblets for lunch, you are advised to get the hell out of there.

Words-Ben Gibson