Man Risks Life to Save Awesome Moustache

A Close Shave

Before we begin lets take a moment to revel in the glory of this man's amazing tache'.

You can see why he's proud of it. Who wouldn't be? That's the kind of facial fuzz that makes women go weak at the knees, especially in Pakistan, where it's considered a sign of prosperity and virility.

Perhaps that's why Islamic extremists drove father of ten Malik Amir Mohammad Khan Afridi into hiding: he was essentially swaggering around town with a 30inch face shlong, making them all look like chumps.

The chumps in question are Lashker-e-Islam, who have dedicated their lives to keeping beards and moustaches trimmed short. Allegedly this is due to theirs always growing in a bit patchy.

Despite being forced on the run by the most petty terrorists ever, Mr Afridi insists that he is happy, adding: “'I don’t like smoking. I’m not fond of snuff, or drinking. This is the only choice in my life. I’d even sacrifice food, but not the moustache. It’s my life. It’s not part of my life. It is my life.'

He is now seeking asylum in Dubai, the US, Canada or Britain. I think we should snap him up before we miss the chance. He can only serve to make our nation more bad ass.

Words Ben Gibson