A pig in Australia has made the news by doing exactly what everyone in Newcastle has been doing every Friday and Saturday since Newcastle was discovered by Vikings and deemed "too rough".
The pig, who is feral and so doesn't have a name but who we'll call Richard Bacon, was rooting around in the bins near a campsite in Western Australia looking for something to eat. Having found nothing of interest (to a pig!) he continued his search by snuffling through what campers had left out by their tents.
"In the middle of the night these people camping opposite us heard a noise, so they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was, scrunching away at their cans," said some nosy sod who witnessed the pork-bender but did nothing to stop it.
This pig, Richard Bacon, is about to become your hero because he scrunched his way through 18 cans of beer. EIGHTEEN! You couldn't drink 18 cans on the most depressing night of your life, and yet this pig is out there doing just that and making you look like a right plum.
To be fair, Richard Bacon the pig is Australian, which gives him a distinct tactical advantage when it comes to binge drinking.
After he'd necked his 1 1/2 dozen tinnies, Richard Bacon continued on a quest for food but once again came up short. Seems that the cliché of the Australian back-packer having tons of beer but not much else is true. Understandably pissed off and unable to locate the bins of a chicken shop, Richard Bacon marched into a nearby field and started on a cow.
Eye-witnesses camped down by the river saw the pig, pissed out of his mind, being chased around a parked car by an angry ass cow. He'd obviously not been doing terribly well in the fight and destined to hoof it, not remembering that cows also have hooves, and a foot chase had ensued.
The last anybody saw of this legendary swine was some hours later, when he was lying on his side under a tree and groaning, possibly promising himself that he was never going to drink again, and wondering if anyone had left any bottles of Lucozade nearby.
It must be shit being hungover if you're a pig, because the time tested cure of a Bacon Sandwich just isn't an option for you.
The police are currently actively pursuing leads on the now missing hog, which just goes to show how much crime there is in Western Australia.
Words by Gazz Wood
Gazz Wood is a writer from The Northern Film School at Leeds Met University. As well as writing for Wireless he can also be heard on the monthly podcast Possibly of Interest with TV Producer Howard Cohen and special guests from the world of British TV and Cinema, plus his own weekly show Gazz Wood Has A Podcast. He can also be followed on Twitter @GazzPH90
