Justin Bieber Retiring? YES

Tis the season to be jolly indeed, for the man (boy) we all love to hate is leaving music to those who actually know how to do it. That’s right, Justin Bieber is retiring from music. Can I get a hallelujah?

During an interview with an LA radio station, Justin was asked a question about his future, which we’d all assumed was going down the line of “continue to produce records and behave like a jerk until the inevitable child star downward spiral into being forgotten”. But Justin’s answer was actually something entirely surprising, and a cause to celebrate. “Um, I’m actually retiring man”; the words the world’s been longing to hear from him; which as a special Christmas present, he decided to grant us.

Obviously, it could still be a joke as it’s yet to be confirmed on his Twitter, and his UK representatives haven’t commented on the matter. Given the current trend of media fake-outs (Brian Griffin’s Death, Harry Potter 8), it’s highly possible that it is. But it seems genuine; it’s reported that Biebz had a straight face throughout the interview, and also claimed he wanted his music to mature. What better way to do so than several years off followed by a (less than) glorious comeback?

As expected, the second the thought of Bieber quitting hit the news, the Beliebers started off on their not-in-any-way-over-the-top rampage of despair. With fans tweeting things along the lines of “Justin quitting? My life is over” and other overly dramatic sentiments, Beiber’s Beliebers are living up to their obsessive reputation once again.

A lot of broken hearts if this is for real, but I’m pretty certain there’ll be an awful lot more who are celebrating, which makes this average out as good news indeed. Now if we can just get One Direction to join him in the retirement line…

Ari Carrintgon