Win a baby!

WORDS: Chris Welsh

Normally when a game show host asks 'Who wants to win this baby?!' they're talking about a Ski-doo or a drinks cabinet or something. Not on AMAAN RAMAZAN, Pakistan’s answer to The Price is Right. No, they're talking about real, no foolin' babies.

That's right, you can win a sprog. They've done it twice in the past, and host Aamir Liaquat Hussain has handed two actual tiny humans to two couples who got the most points, or whatever the hell they do on Amaan Ramazan.

At first this sounds awful, but it sort of isn't. Sort of. It's controversial, sure, but the kids on offer had been abandoned and the lucky couples had failed to conceive a child of their own. So it was just skipping the whole adoption process and saving a baby at the same time. The new parents just had to answer several pop culture questions before they were handed the keys to the pram, thereby skipping all of the tedious paperwork that probably comes with adopting a kid. It would make a lot more sense to not do it on live TV, but...y'know, whatever works.

There's a woman in the office who is currently full-on up the duff. I can practically see the baby peeking out. She's having a terrible time of things, waddling around like The Penguin and struggling to get comfortable in her chair - if she'd known about this show she could have saved herself a load of hassle.

Still, I'm not sure it's a concept that'll take off around the world. When my Aunty won a car on a game show, the first thing she did was sell the fucking thing, because really who wants to drive around in a Daewoo Tacuma. She'd probably be in hot shit if she tried to sell the newborn.

Here are my suggestions for the next time they do it:

A booby prize.

Let's say the couple are fucking awful at the mini-games and they wind up with less points than a fingerless glove... instead of a brand-spanking new human, they're lumped with a geriatric, racist old bastard with a limp and false teeth.

Double or nothing.

You won a baby. Congrats. That's nice and all. But how about... TWO BABIES! Spin the wheel again, win another mouth to feed. Or if you lose, go home with nothing.

Grab a Baby

The wannabe mother is placed, blindfolded, in a huge glass box full of babies. Huge industrial fans are turned on. She has to pluck as many babies from the air as she can! The more golden babies she gets, the more points she gets - Crystal Dome style.

Okay, maybe not that last one.

(Source: The Mirror )