Zookeeper Punches a Seal

A seal version of a weightwatchers weigh-in has gone terribly wrong, after a frustrated zookeeper punched a seal during a weigh-in.

We’ve all had our down days. I was once so stressed and hungover that I tried to hang some curtains and cried a little bit. I can honestly say however, I have not been so angry that I punched a seal. Not like I would either, I mean look at them! I dunno though, maybe I’d twat a possum.

Allegedly, the zookeeper “lashed out” when the seal put its flippers on the scale he was attempting to recalibrate. So his natural reaction was, of course, to punch it. The zookeeper has been suspended by Bristol Zoo Gardens, who stated that they “have zero tolerance towards such behaviour and takes its commitment to the highest standards of animal welfare and conservation seriously."

The seal seems not to give a shit however, as he is now back on display playing with his little seal friends. Rumour has it though, that this isn’t over, as the South American Fur seal plans its revenge with its relative the Sea Lion. Oh don’t underestimate those cute little bastards, the sea lion is unpredictable and aggressive. Some managed to sink a yacht and another tore a chunk out of a woman’s leg. In fact, more people are bitten by sea lions than sharks.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather watch Sealnado anyday.

Words by Khia Reynolds