Semen Beats Depression, Study Has Found

Oral sex fights depression and is good for women's health, a study on "mood altering chemicals" has shown.

Ladies, question; do you spit or swallow?

No it's not a trick question, and yes, apparently it does make a difference.

Because there is good news for lads; blow jobs make women happier and healthier, a study by New York State University has discovered.

The study involved 293 female volunteers from the Uni's Albany campus having their sex lives and mental health compared by scientists. Aside from pleasure and sexual gratification, oral and unprotected sex is now alleged to be of health benefit.

"Semen exposed women", as they were duubed in the study (women who have regular unprotected sex) were shown to perform better in a range of cognitive tests and are significantly less depressed.

This is after the scientists discovered that "the other white stuff" contains a surprisingly healthy concoction of anti-depressant chemicals that increase affection, elevate mood and induce sleep - meaning that, after getting hot and heavy under the sheets, you will at least get a good nights rest and recuperation - if you've been making love without a glove that is. The catch to getting the benefit of these chemicals is that the semen has to actually enter your bloodstream - no safe sex allowed!

Semen contains a number of mood enhancing anti depressants, including spermatozoa, estrone and oxytocin, which are mood elevators and cortisol, to increase affection.

It also contains thyrotropin-releasing hormone, yet another antidepressant, melatonin, a sleep-inducing agent for that recovery nap, and even serotonin, a chemical which is perhaps the best-known antidepressant neurotransmitter.

VU University Medical Centre in the Netherlands, worked with scientists in the US to conduct research which shows that depression can biologically increase the ageing process in cells, so having a level of semen in the blood may, as disgusting as it sounds, be a good thing in several ways.

But if all that medical jargon baffles your brain, even if some of the names sound familiar, then maybe this is easier to understand.

  • Other recent findings from Gallup’s laboratory suggest that semen-exposed women perform better on concentration and cognitive tasks and that women’s bodies can detect 'foreign' semen that differs from their long-term or recurrent sexual partner’s signature semen.
  • They suggest the ability to detect foreign sources is an evolved system that often leads to unsuccessful pregnancies - via greater risk of preeclampsia - because it signals a disinvested male partner who is not as likely to provide for the offspring.
  • Their findings also suggest that women who have unprotected sex with their partners - and therefore are getting regularly inseminated by them - experience more significant depression on breaking up with these men than those who were not as regularly exposed to an ex’s semen, and that they also go on the rebound faster in seeking new sexual partners.

After participating in a the Beck Depression Inventory, a survey used commonly to measure clinical depression, the women's results were analysed. The results stated that even accounting for the frequency the women engaged in sex, women who had sex and claimed to "never" use condoms showed significantly fewer depressive symptoms than did those who "usually" or "always" used condoms, or who abstained entirely.

Promiscuity, it showed, was no cure for depression either, as those who say they had slept around were still more depressed than the condomless participants.

This study may be a good advocation for limiting the number of one-night-stands you get yourself involved in, but riding bare-back is never a good idea for diseases that are not in the mind. Like herpes.

So consider that when you are getting your regular dose of cortisol and melatonin.

The findings from this study were published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Any STDs contracted after reading this are entirely your own fault, we advocate safe sex, what you do in your spare time or read on the internet is your own business.

Words by Gemma Clark