It’s Now a Fad Apparently; Man Caught Jerking it in Sainsbury’s

You’ve probably read by now about the delightful chap who took it upon himself to go into the ladies toilets in a Walmart in Tulsa and go to town on himself. Most people read this news and responded with some mixture of “what the fuck” and disgust. Reasonable reactions really, as it’s pretty disgusting. But one man seems to have read the news and thought, “Hey. That looks like a cracking idea. We should have that in the UK. I should DO that in the UK”.

That’s right, it’s happened again, right here in England. Eugenio Freitas, who at 49 should be old enough to know better by now (not that there’s an excuse at any age), was recently caught on CCTV in the meat aisle in Sainsbury’s. 

The Sainsbury’s in question is in Newcastle-under-Lyme, Staffordshire, so you know which store it is you probably want to avoid. A female member of staff noticed him loitering in the meat isle, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was just “adjusting”. He wasn’t, as CCTV later caught. He stood in the meat aisle for 10 minutes playing with himself. What a lovely chap.

A married man with 4 children and 1 grandchild, you have to feel bad for those kids who now have to live with the public shame of having a dad who isn’t allowed in supermarkets unless accompanied by an adult because he JERKED IT IN THE MEAT AISLE. He avoided prison, managing to get away with a six month suspended sentence. I have to say, I’d have thought he’d have been penalised a little more because it’s pretty grim.

According to Eugenio he has a problem with masturbating in public places, which raises the question, should he be allowed in public places? 

He claims he did go into Sainsbury’s intending to shop, but couldn’t contain himself. Guess he took one look at all that meat and just had to see how his compared. 

Ari Carrington