A convenience store in Canada recently discovered a man
trying to steal from them by stuffing the goods down his trousers. So they did
what any good store would do in that situation. They removed the goods from the
man’s trousers and re-sold them to the unsuspecting public.
Jeffrey Feehan, a 29 year old man, decided to rob a convenience
store. But he wanted to put his own spin on it and do something original. So
that meant he couldn’t hold up the cashier at gunpoint, or go round with a
large empty bag or stuff small items in his pockets. Those are all played out,
common forms of thievery. That’s not how Jeffrey plays, he likes to be unique.
So he decided to take $71 (£41) worth of chicken breasts, bacon and steak down
his trousers to join his own meat.
When the store observed what had to be the most suspiciously
overstuffed trousers since codpieces were a thing, they apprehended Jeffrey
like any typical store would. Unlike typical stores however, they then
reclaimed the meat and slapped it back on the shelves for some lucky, lucky
people to buy and take home to feed their families.
I like to hope that the meat was well wrapped up in plastic. It’s being widely assumed
that it was. But even so, it’s still pretty unpleasant. I can’t imagine what people
who’d bought meat there that day were thinking when they heard the news. Something
along the lines of “oh balls, did I just eat crotch meat?” seems likely. Can’t say I blame them.
The meat thief has received for his efforts 94 days in jail,
a $200 fine and is banned from all supermarkets in Charlottetown for a whole
year.
Ari Carrington
Ari Carrington
