Gas Mask Bra

Imagine, ladies, that you're out and about doing your regular daily thing. Being busy with business, being an independent woman, paying your automo-bill and so on. Then, just as you're about to start your night of drinks with your girlies, a foreign aggressor launches a biological gas attack on the bar. Inconsiderate, certainly, and you're very annoyed but unlike everyone around you, like that bitch Sarah from accounts who thinks she's so cute, you're not dying from exposure to Anthrax because you've had the good sense to purchase...

The Emergency Bra!

Yes, the Emergency Bra; the world's first and only bra slash gas mask! Simply unclasp at the front, remove from your top and place the cup over your mouth and nose, then secure with the strap. What could be simpler? Sure, you're flying without proper breast support, but you're also not foaming at the mouth as your organs liquefy.

The Emergency Bra is a real thing that you can buy from THIS website, and was invented by an actual Doctor. So you know it's necessary and not stupid. Dr Elena Bodnar, who studied the Chernobyl disaster in great detail, discovered that; "if people had had cheap, readily available gas masks in the first hours after the disaster ... they may have avoided breathing in Iodine-131, which causes radiation. You have to be prepared all the time, at any place, at any moment, and practically every woman wears a bra."

The life saving/uplifting device is available in sizes 32B to 40C, and was the winner of the Nobel Prize for most pointless scientific advance in 2009.

Words by Gazz Wood