“Kindly Remove the Dildos from the Christmas Tree”

A real conversation two people had to have recently in central Milan about a Christmas tree outside in a very public location where it would be seen by many. Why, you ask? 

Well, for reasons that are pretty unclear, decoration of the tree somehow fell into the hands of a sex toy e-business, who elected to decorate it with sex toys. Many, many sex toys. City officials decided that this was too racy, and rightly ordered the removal of the sex toys from the public tree. They were removed immediately by the company who put them there.

Why would someone decorate a tree with sex toys? The answer to that isn’t totally clear, but Norma Rossetti, the owner of the e-business who did it takes a stab at answering it. “The Tree of Pleasure”, as it has tastefully been dubbed, was apparently part of their aims to remove the taboo from sex toys and turn them into normal, everyday objects. 

She adds that the toys chosen were “elegant” and, most hilariously, “not X-rated”. I’m not sure what ratings system she’s using, but I think it’s fair to say that any and all sex toys are going to be coming down a lot closer to an X-rating than a PG or Universal rating.  I know it’s getting easier and easier to slip sex-related things into movies and get a much lower rating than you perhaps ought (Inbetweeners movie, I’m looking at you), but that doesn’t mean it’s right, and it definitely doesn’t mean it’s okay to go into your town centre and hang vibrators off a tree.

The city officials explained that the Christmas season qualifies as a holiday for children and families, much like virtually all the major holidays, and therefore required “sobriety in urban decorations”, which I believe roughly translates to “if it’s not in the privacy of your own home, it’s got to be kid friendly”, which is a pretty good general rule of thumb for decorating. They said this was especially important when it comes to widely used Christmas things, such as trees.

I can’t get past the fact that this really shouldn’t have needed to be a conversation at all. 

What sane person puts sex toys up as a public display in the middle of town? You may think it’s prudish, but I really think that sex is something that ought to stay at home. It’s not something that needs to be paraded up and down the streets. People are becoming much less repressed and much freer with sex, and I can’t understand why that’s okay. What was wrong with a little repression and keeping it in the bedroom between the two (or sometimes more) adults (or sometimes teenagers) involved? Why is it suddenly so much better to have it all up in your face everywhere you go? Answer; it’s not. Keep it in your pants when you’re in public people.

Ari Carrington