Drunk Guy call 999 Repeatedly to Brag about his Sex Life

Repeatedly is probably an understatement. This guy called them 30 TIMES over the course of 4 hours to let them know the ins and outs of his sexual endeavours. How bombed do you have to be to think it’s a good idea to call emergency services for 4 hours about what you get up to in the bedroom? Surely if you’re drunk enough to think that’s a great plan, you’d be too drunk to actually execute it…

Breaking Bad hits the Streets with Real Blue-Dyed Meth

Blue Sky; a form of methamphetamine that’s totally pure and gets its blue colouring from the processes used to make it, which differ from common methods. It’s been popularised by the hit show Breaking Bad, and is of course a completely fictional strain of meth.

George Zimmerman Painting Sells For $100,099 on Ebay

The American gunman has sold his first painting on ebay for the whopping sum of $100,099.99.

George Zimmerman shot dead 17 year old American high school student Teyvon Martin in 2012 but was acquitted of the charge of manslaughter in June of this year. He shot the teen after allegedly acting in self-defense, following an altercation between the two that left him with head injuries.

The 30 year old has said he has found an outlet for the frustration and emotion caused by the court case, and the abuse he has received from it, in the form of art. And now some chump has paid over 100 grand for the "pleasure" of having the work hang in their house. 

Zimmerman said on the ebay post attached to his work "First hand painted artwork by me, George Zimmerman. Everyone has been asking what I have been doing with myself. I found a creative, way to express myself, my emotions and the symbols that represent my experiences. My art work allows me to reflect, providing a therapeutic outlet and allows me to remain indoors; I hope you enjoy owning this piece as much as I enjoyed creating it. Your friend, George Zimmerman.”

The painting itself seems to be trying to show some level of patriotism but ultimately just strikes the eye as being really, really blue. Newscorpse.com has also gone so far as to call the "original" work, a copy, demonstrating that it could be a cold coloured copy of a Shutterstock picture.

As if having this piece of... art, in their house, the winning bidder number 96 (that's right, 96 people actually wanted this thing) will be having the painting hand delivered by Zimmerman himself, who has promised to bring the parcel in person.

Because what better way to start the new year than with a visit from a trigger happy "artist"!?

The sum that the painting has gone for is amazing given that works by legitimate artists such as Vincent Van Gogh have been sold for less money than that.

Yet, infamy is something that makes art by certain people, desirable to collectors. For example, Adolf Hitler was a total bastard, yet his drawings demand huge amounts at auction, with an individual work going for $42,200 and a collection of 15 for $100,000.

Considering the number of people who are aware of Hitler in comparison with the number who know Zimmerman, the price his painting fetched is astounding.

Comparing Zimmerman to Hitler is maybe taking it a bit far. But all I can say is that I really hope that person bought the painting with the intention of destroying it. Just because you have a paintbrush, doesn't make you a good artist. It can, however, make you very rich.

Gemma Clark

Desperate-beyond-desperate Woman posts Craiglist ad to find NYE Kisser

New Year’s Eve is a time when many single people drink a lot and snog strangers. Pretty much the whole point of the night if you’re single. None of these random spur-of-the-moment hook-ups are likely to go anywhere, but hey it’s New Year’s. Sure a few people end up dating afterwards, but more people will end up vomiting, or urinating, or both, or worse in the street as the night progresses.

Dead Frog found in Pret a Manger Salad

Let’s imagine that you’ve got a job. You’ve been working hard all day in the office, and when lunchtime comes around you decide to head down to Pret a Manger to pick up a delicious salad to take back to your desk. You figure it’ll be tasty and super-healthy, especially as it’s organic. That’s certainly what an employee at the Wall Street Journal did recently. 

Unfortunately, she wasn’t totally prepared for quite how organic that salad would turn out to be.

Vagina Knitting

Because apparently the point of feminism is now to cause people to be uncomfortable and disgusted, we now have vagina knitting. Whilst I’d love it if you read the words I’ve written, I can’t advise looking any further because it’s gross.

Manic Couponer buys £572.16 worth of Food for 4p.

Everybody makes use of a coupon from time to time to save the pennies. Actually, that’s not true, a lot of people can’t be bothered with them because they can be really irritating, and is it really worth it to save thirty pence? Sure, some people make a bit of a saving, but no-one’s ever saved anything really noteworthy by couponing.

Sometimes on TV shows there’ll be a gag about major savings couponing; for example in 2 Broke Girls, Caroline gets carried away with couponing and actually manages to sort her coupons to the extent the store owes her money for her shopping. Which is fabulous, but completely impossible. Or maybe not, as Jordan Cox, a student, recently proved.

Armed with 470 coupons he’d scoured from the internet and magazines, he hit up his local Tesco. Armed with three trolleys, he filled them all, before rolling up to what would be the longest checkout experience known to man. I actually feel really bad for the person who had to deal with all those coupons; it took over an hour to go through them all at the checkout. But clearly worth it, as the total of his shopping should have been £572.16, but after coupon upon coupon it totalled only FOUR PENCE. That’s a saving of £572.12. This whole experience probably took about three hours, so one way you could look at this, is that it’s kind of like he made £191/hour, which is awesome.

Not finished with being awesome yet however, Jordan then donated all of his purchases to families in need through the charity, Doorstep. Knowing that a 1000^th of the UK population can’t afford to eat this Christmas, he wanted to help. And also a little bit prove just how cheaply you can shop. It’s genius, and it’s genuinely going to help people. Although I do have to question the abundance of squirty cream in the picture. There’s like half a trolley of the stuff. It’s great, it’s noble and all that, but the squirty cream part does seem a little… ridiculous. Still, an incredibly impressive feat. Hats off to you Jordan Cox.

Ari Carrington

Functional, Useable LEGO Car Built

Everybody loves LEGO. You can build anything. Well, in theory, usually it’s more limited because you never have the pieces you need, and even if you do, you can never find them. And also, because you kind of suck at LEGO; it takes a long time, and it’s tricky to actually build anything cool, and you lose patience pretty quick. That’s why we find it a little impressive when someone just manages to put together one of the bigger LEGO kits, like the big LEGO Star Wars sets, or the LEGO Hogwarts.

We get really impressed when somebody who may or may not have too much free time on their hands puts together something pretty far outside the realms of what we consider possible with LEGO. Raul Oaida is one of these vastly impressive men, with an in-itself-impressive LEGO collection.

Raul Oaida built himself a car. Out of LEGO. Using over half a million lego pieces and a few non LEGO bits, because honestly, how did you expect him to make a car out of only LEGO, he’s got a working and pretty damn awesome car. The non-LEGO bits are the chassis, axles and wheels. Although I can’t fault him for the last one; have you seen LEGO wheels? They’re tiny. The best bit I think is that the car is fuelled by compressed air which powers 256 LEGO pistons. He can hit speeds of up to 20MPH, which may not sound impressive until you remember that THE CAR IS MADE OF LEGO.

Seriously, check out the video if you don’t believe it, or even if you do. It’s sick.

Ari Carrington

Def Leppard to Sue One Direction

If you’re lucky, you won’t have heard One Direction’s latest tune, Midnight Memories. That said, you probably will have by the time you get to the end of this article, because you’ll no doubt want to check for yourself. That’s why I have to live with the fact I’ve heard it three times now.

Scam Bait; Gazz Wood vs Ban Ki Moon

Like many people, I have a real e-mail address and a junk e-mail address. The real one is for business correspondance, Amazon order confirmations and my phone bill. The junk address (hotmail, of course) is for when a website requires that I sign up or enter a valid e-mail before allowing me to continue. 4od has my junk address, as does Cadburys from when I won that Crispello last month.

Since I use the junk address to indistriminately sign up for things, I receive an inordinate amount of spam. Phishing e-mails, scammers and a number of tragedy striken members of the royal family of Nigeria get hold of me on a daily basis trying to trick me into handing over quick cash. I usually just delete these e-mails, but the other day I received one from Ban Ki Moon, Secretary General of the United Nations!

It was titled “The Truth About Your Fund” and began with the words “Dear Victim…” so obviously I was in.

“Dear Victim,

Paedophile Scare Over Prosthetic Leg

A class of primary school children recently found a trip to the swimming pool to be an awful lot more than they expected when they were evacuated from the leisure centre by panic stricken teachers. 

Why were their teachers panicking? A paedo scare. Reasonable, or so you’d think.

Man Found Naked in a Guitar Case After Getting Lost on Marathon Walk.

Zackery Aders, 31 was taking a 26 mile walk from Gore to Checotah in Oklahoma, USA when it took a turn for the worse. 

It was probably Kai

Aders got lost and ended up falling through a frozen lake in the middle of the night. Aders did what survivalists suggest you do and took off all his soaking wet, ice cold clothes.

Man Bitten on the Penis by Big, Black, Toilet Dwelling Snake.

Here’s one to make the lads wimper… 

Drunk Driving Killer Teenager Too Rich to Jail

Yep you read that correctly, a teenager from USA who drove his car whilst three times over the limit and killed four people and seriously injured others isn’t going to prison because “he is too rich for jail”

Ethan Couch, 16 from Texas, USA robbed beer from a local branch of Walmart and he and seven friends jumped in a pickup truck and left a horrific path of destruction on their drive.

Student Makes Thousands Selling Cans of “Air from my Backside”

Antoine Deblay,22 had a business brainwave and decided to sell cans of air from his hometown of Montcuq in the South of France. 

Since launching his idea he has made over €8000 in a matter of months.

“Kindly Remove the Dildos from the Christmas Tree”

A real conversation two people had to have recently in central Milan about a Christmas tree outside in a very public location where it would be seen by many. Why, you ask? 

Irish Government Asks Unemployed People to Move Away

The Irish government are taking a ‘different’ approach to tackling unemployment and welfare costs by asking around 6000 unemployed people to move away and seek jobs in other EU countries.

One of the receivers of the letter, Mr Alan Douglas an unemployed electrician got urged to move to Coventry. "It made me feel like I was being pushed out of my own country," he told Financial Times

Supermarket Re-sells Meat Found in Thief’s Pants

A convenience store in Canada recently discovered a man trying to steal from them by stuffing the goods down his trousers. So they did what any good store would do in that situation. They removed the goods from the man’s trousers and re-sold them to the unsuspecting public.

Jeffrey Feehan, a 29 year old man, decided to rob a convenience store. But he wanted to put his own spin on it and do something original. So that meant he couldn’t hold up the cashier at gunpoint, or go round with a large empty bag or stuff small items in his pockets. Those are all played out, common forms of thievery. That’s not how Jeffrey plays, he likes to be unique. So he decided to take $71 (£41) worth of chicken breasts, bacon and steak down his trousers to join his own meat.

Man Named Sam Sung Stops Working for Apple.

An aptly named Apple worker leaving the massive corporation has become a viral internet sensation. 

An image has circulated the internet of an Apple employee’s card and the name on it is Sam Sung *waits for all the techy people to laugh*.

Tree Decorating; Tinsel, Lights and Testicles?

That’s not a typo in the title. Somebody’s actually taken the old Christmas time joke of referring to balls as baubles because they sound vaguely alike and are both vaguely round, and decided, hey! That’s great, let’s make that a thing!